Happy New Year

Chile Christmas

My parents came to visit me for Christmas!

The day they arrived, we went into the city and actually saw more of it than I had seen in the year since I arrived. At the Plaza de Armas we met up with my friend Scott, a single guy from the U.S. who's here on his own teaching English, and checked out the Cathedral and the history museum. Then we went to the central Market for an empanada lunch and ended the day at San Cristobal hill where an iconic statue of Mary - "The Virgin" - overlooks the city.

The next day, Pato and Theri took us to San Antonio. We ate in a seafood restaurant on the boardwalk, walked on the beach and visited their summer home.

Then we met up with Scott again and headed south to Chile's Lake district for a week. Along the way, we stopped at Salta de Lajas, Chile's biggest waterfall. Then we continued on to Temuco, where we stayed nights on our trip.

Our first day we drove to Villarrica and Pucón. Both of these tourist destinations are on lake Villarrica and in view of Volcan Villarrica.

The next day we drove to Frutillar, a small german-immigrant town, where we visited an open air history museum.

Then we went to Puerto Varas and shopped at a street fair.

And to end the day we drove all the way down to Puerto Montt where we met a friend of Scott's who invited us back to her home for tea and to meet her newly adopted baby grandson.

On our last day we visited Valdivia and saw the botanical gardens on Isla Teja. And before leaving Temuco, we visited the Pablo Neruda train museum.

After seeing the best the lake district, we returned to Santiago. On Christmas Eve, we took a day trip to Valparaiso. We tried to go out for dinner that night, but almost everything in Santiago was closed. We finally found a Chinese place that was open, and then went back to the guest apartments where my parents were staying to watch It's a Wonderful Life on my laptop.

On Christmas day we went to a missionary Christmas party and then Skyped-called my sister and brother-in-law. That evening we went for a walk and discovered that the municipal plaza was beautifully decorated in lights.

On their last day here, my parents and I went to the Precolumbian Art museum. Then it was time to take them to the airport and say goodbye.

It was great having my parents here, and seeing so much of Chile was fun. But the best part of it was that, for once, I was able to share the experience with people I love.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Rio Violence

We had only been back in Chile for a couple days when news outlets started covering an escalation of violence in Rio. Because the city will be hosting the World Cup in 2014 and the Olympics in 2016, Rio police were trying to drive the gangs out of the favelas. But the gangs were fighting back. We had just missed being in the midst of it.

I called our friend in Rio and he gave me the details. The missionary Thanksgiving dinner was even interrupted by an exploding city bus. When I talked to Gisele and Natália, they told me that many of their classes were half empty because people were scared of going out into the city.

But the police managed to win one of the biggest favelas from the gangs, and our friend told us he was planning to take the gospel into that favela as soon as he could. A week later, everything had settled back down.

Rio: College Students

In Rio I met several college students who were my age and – thankfully – spoke English. They regularly volunteer with our missionary friend and work in the favelas, and it was cool to see young people taking risks to share the gospel.

One person I met was a guy named Thiago. He often goes with our friend to the streets at night to share the gospel with prostitutes. He told me that, at first, he was completely overwhelmed by the idea of talking to these girls on the street. But now, he approaches them with confidence and love, and often they hear him out.

And I met two girls, Gisele and Natália, who also work with our friend. They volunteer by leading bible studies and helping at free health clinics.

Gisele and Natália also played tourguide for our team and took us to Corcovado to see the famous Cristo Redentor statue. Hanging out with them was one of my favorite parts of the trip, and in February, they’re coming to Santiago!

Rio: Viviane

Viviane is our missionary friend’s 25-year-old housekeeper. she and her younger sister were raised by their single mother. But when Viviane was 15-years-old, her mother died leaving Viviane to support herself and her 10-year-old sister alone.

Not long later, Viviane’s boyfriend got her pregnant …and disappeared. So, as a 15-year-old with a younger sister and a baby daughter to care for, she was desperate for money. Like many other girls in Rio who find themselves in dire straights, Viviane learned she could use her body to make money (Prostitution is legal in Rio.)

But God hadn’t let go of Viviane’s life. He sent her aunt who shared Jesus with her. Viviane got saved, and started changing her life.

That’s when God led her to our missionary friend, who gave her a job in his home and found a new apartment for her to live in. Now Viviane’s life is completely different, and her daughter, who is 10-years-old now and lives with her aunt, can visit on occasion.

I think what shocked me most about Viviane was how much her face doesn’t match her story. She is young and has a sweet, delicate spirit about her. Her eyes welled with tears as she told her story to us.

But she smiles easily, and praises God as she works at her new job. Jesus has completely changed her life.

Rio: Peter

One of the people we interviewed in Rio was a man named Peter. Though he had been raised in a Christian home, he got involved with drugs when he was young.

He found himself spending nights on the streets, unable to change course. His life began to spiral more and more out of control until, one day, he found himself running from the police. They fired on him, hit him in the shoulder, and arrested him. He showed us his scar from the bullet hole.

Peter began to rethink his life at that point. Not long after, Jesus saved him, and his life began to change.

Today, Peter is married with kids and grandkids, and he works as both a pastor and an administrator for an English school.

The great thing about Peter is that he is always smiling. Even in the midst of talking about drug addiction and bullet wounds, he had a grin on his face. God has made a huge change in his life, and he is clearly filled with God's joy.

Interview with a drug lord

Four years ago, a drug lord - who we just call “the Godfather” - wanted our missionary friend dead. But God has been using our friend to do so much good in the favelas, he’s gained a reputation for being a person everyone can trust. And in the past year, the Godfather has been inviting him to come share God’s Word about once a month.

So our friend got permission for us to come ask the Godfather some questions. Weeks before arriving, we had to send in photos of ourselves so the Godfather’s guards could recognize us. Then we had to write out the questions to get them approved ahead of time. As the writer, that was up to me. So I wrote out:

1. What is it like to be a powerful man in this community?

2. What are some of the hardships you have overcome in your life?

3. Why do you allow our friend share the Word with you?

4. What are your thoughts on God?

Then the night came to go meet the Godfather. Late, in the dark of night, we filled a car and headed out. Our friend, usually very loud and laughing and talkative, was dead silent on the way up into the Godfather’s favela. The tension was thick in the car where I sat with him, our photographer and 2 videographers.

Then our friend told us that part of the arrangement with the Godfather was that we wouldn’t know where the meeting place was, so we’d have to close our eyes. We did so. And as we felt the car pull us into the meeting place and stop, we heard our friend murmur, “Oh my God!”

When he finally told us to open our eyes, we saw a man with a ski mask covering his face standing by the window. He was shuffling through the pictures of our faces that we had sent in. Our friend and the man talked back and forth in strained voices about one of our videographers who was in the passenger seat. Finally, our friend told us to get out of the car.

We were in a shadowy, walled-in courtyard with a gate locked behind us. A group of men in ski masks surrounded us. They made us put our hands against the car so they could frisk us and make sure none of us were secretly armed. Our friend warned us that all around, in the darkness just beyond the light, were men with AK-47’s pointed at us. Quickly, we set up our equipment.

We had been told that the Godfather would stand in front of us about 15 yards away, and we would have to hang back and ask our questions from that distance. Just as we had expected, a man took his place directly in front of us, about 15 yards away. We got the lights and cameras set up and pointed at the man, and I stood next to our friend, who was going to interpret.

I spoke loudly to project my question toward the man standing before us. But the answer came from right next to my ear! The man in front of us was a decoy, and the Godfather was only a foot away from me. Our cameramen panicked to adjust as I kept up the interview. We had only been given 10 minutes.

One of the answers the Godfather gave hit an emotional nerve for our friend, and he got joked up as he tried to translate. The Godfather had expressing his appreciation for our friend and the work he does. In that moment God was showing the results of all the risk our friend had taken. The man who had wanted him dead was now talking about seeing God in him.

Then, for our last question, I went off script and asked the Godfather how we could pray for him. This time he was the one who got choked up. There was a long pause and then he finally said, “That’s easy. Ask this man.” He pointed to our friend, “This man knows.”

At that, we were told to grab our things and get in the car because the interview was over. We had to close our eyes again for the drive back.

Once out of the favela, our friend told us why he had murmured, “Oh my God” when we arrived. He had been the only one with his eyes open as we pulled in, so he was the only one who was able to see that, just four inches outside the passenger window, the barrel of an AK-47 had been pointed directly at our videographer’s head. If any of us had broken the rules and had our eyes open, we would have seen it. But since none of us reacted, they knew we were obeying and could be trusted.

I’ve never felt so alive as after that interview. It was incredible. But the coolest thing was that our friend has that kind of access for ministry! I don’t know ANY other missionaries who have won an audience with a drug lord. But God has been using him in huge ways.

Rio de Janeiro

In late October I flew to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, to write about the lives God has changed in that city. Our missionary host has been working there in the favelas – gang controlled slums – for years and has developed a reputation as someone who does good in these neighborhoods.

This reputation has given him access to prostitutes, paramilitary men, drug addicts and drug lords. He even gets called on by the police to mediate gang battles because he’s the only one both sides trust.

Our friend knows the risk he takes. He knows that when he goes into these neighborhoods to minister, he might not return to his family. But He also knows that the people there need the Gospel - and God has given unique access for telling them.

While in Rio we got to interview several people in this man’s life and hear about how, in the midst of danger and darkness, God’s light is shining. It was an incredible trip.

Back in Colorado

After Jake and Becky’s wedding, I flew to Colorado to spend a week with my Family. The time went by way too quickly.

Being back in the States after almost a year away was a little surreal. Almost nothing had changed in Colorado, but I was clearly a different person than when I left. If I experienced any reverse culture shock, it was just in seeing how many really unimportant things people in the States can stress over. But that was just a brief observation.

My sister and brother-in-law drove down from Nebraska to see me, and it was wonderful getting to see them. My sister is pregnant with their first kid!

The due date is in early February. She has wanted to be a mom since she got married, but my brother-in-law wisely asked her to finish school first. So I should have seen it coming when, a month after her college graduation, she called me with news of her pregnancy. But I was still shocked. She told me I was the only one.

About a week after we got the news – the doctors told my sister she might have already lost the baby. Then, later, they realized they were wrong, and everything was fine. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.

Now the baby is nearly here. We know it’s a girl, but my sister is being secretive about the name. At the sonogram place we got to see the little girl in a 3d image. It’s crazy to think I’ll be an uncle soon. I’ve been buying baby clothes in all the countries I’ve visited.

One of the first days back, I went to a line dancing class with my parents and their friends. I was one of the only people my age there, but it was a lot of fun!

Also that week, my dad and I went hiking in Waldo Canyon. We’ve hiked a lot in the Colorado Springs area, but this was a new trail for us. It had some amazing views of Pikes Peak (Which I’ve climbed 5 times!) and it was AMAZING to be back in the fresh air of the Rockies. My heart is still lost in those mountains and trails.

I also got some errands done, and we went to the movies to see Inception and The Social Network -The two best movies of 2010 in my opinion.

Babies and dancing and mountains and movies – It was wonderful being home. But the best thing was just hanging out with my family.

Jake and Becky's Wedding

In October, I finally got on the plane to North Carolina for Jake and Becky’s wedding. I was picked up at the airport by Isaiah, a fellow groomsman who quickly became a friend, and taken to the church.

Seeing Jake and Becky and hugging them, finally, was like a dream. Later that night, Nathan arrived – another groomsman and Focus friend. Easter 2009, Jake, Nathan and I went to Moab, Utah, on a mountain biking trip. Jake and Nathan are two of the godliest men I know, and their friendship means the world to me – I loved having the three of us together again.

The next couple days were spent renting tuxes and preparing for the wedding. And I was honored when Jake asked for my help writing his vows.

Then, at the rehearsal dinner, more friends from Focus began to arrive. First there was Scott, who had been Jake’s and my roommate at Focus. Then Elijah, Curtis and Nathan Crabtree arrived together. After some of the loneliest months I’ve ever experienced, I was suddenly surrounded by well-known, well-loved faces.

I lost track as more and more of the people I had been missing and praying for were suddenly in my arms. Sarah, Whitney, Jessy, Anthony, Rachel, Teri, Candice, Becca, Luke, Dawn, Shanti – I know these names mean nothing to most the people reading this, but to me it’s like a roll call of the most influential, beloved and important people in my life.

The night of the wedding the groomsmen held a bonfire for Jake. I’d never seen such high flames. As the firelight flickered we knelt, placed hands on Jake, and prayed for his future with Becky.

The wedding was wonderful, Becky was gorgeous, and I was smiling through the whole thing. But like most weddings, it went by in a flash, and before I knew it Jake and Becky were walking out the church doors and through a crowd of cheers and bubbles. The newlyweds got into a borrowed hotrod and sped away toward their new life together. It’s almost too bad they couldn’t hang around with us, but I’m pretty sure they preferred what they were doing.

That night, the rest of us from Focus - nearly 20 people - stayed in a rented cabin together. After a shared dinner, we gathered in the living room and, one by one, talked about how life had changed since Focus.

It was amazing to me that, after nearly 2 years, the vulnerability, trust and intimacy of this group hadn’t waned. Some people had moved to new homes and jobs, and a few had gotten married. But many were still searching for jobs, dealing with loneliness, and struggling to trust God. It broke my heart that my friends were hurting too. But opening up to that room filled with the love, acceptance and hope of friends was the deep breath so many of us needed to take.

That night people began to leave, and it physically hurt to see some of them go. I followed several out to their cars for a second hug goodbye. The next morning, Anthony, Nathan and Jessy took me to the airport, and I said just one more goodbye before leaving for Colorado.

Becky is blogging about her and Jake's new life together HERE. Check it out. They're wonderful people.

http://www.lifeaccordingtothehatfields.blogspot.com/

Chile Miners

In August there was a collapse at the San Jose mine near Copiapó in northern Chile. Two weeks later, 33 men believed to be dead were discovered alive in a safety chamber. They had survived on 3 days worth of emergency food.

Rescue efforts unfolded on the surface in earnest. A small shaft was drilled for conveying messages and delivering supplies in a container called the "paloma" - dove. While three rescue shafts were drilled simultaneously, a specialized shaft elevator was developed for retrieving the men from the mine. To accomplish these plans, Chile accepted the help of NASA and other international organizations.

While engineers worked to rescue the men, the families of the miners gathered in a camp nearby to await their reunion. The camp came to be known as Camp Esperanza – Camp Hope.

After nearly three months, one of the rescue drills finally reached the men. And on October 13, they began bringing the men to the surface.

Logistics prevented us from actually getting to the mine to cover the stories. It takes 10 hours to drive from Santiago to Copiapó. And reports told us that Copiapó was a circus of media personnel. It would be impossible to get close enough to get a story.

So we reported from the office - And actually got better stories than we would have gotten had we tried to go to the mine. Our photographer, the only person on our team who speaks Spanish fluently, got on the phone and did some great reporting.

We talked to Igor Bravo, a rescue engineer who used his connections to bring a minister to Camp Hope to be with the families.

We talked to Pastor Marcelo Leiva, the minister who came to Camp Hope as a result of Bravo’s initiative. Leiva was given the opportunity to communicated with the miners and give speial encouragement to José “The Pastor” Henríquez, the trapped miner who became the group’s spiritual leader during their ordeal.

And we talked to Christian Maureira, a Santiago Minister who provided special t-shirts for the miners to wear during their rescue. The t-shirts said “¡Gracias Señor!” – Thank you, Lord! – and were meant to ensure that God got all the glory for the survival and rescue of the miners.

We busted the stories out in a matter of days and I’m really pleased with how they turned out. And it was a blast to be in Chile as all this unfolded – an already patriotic country given even more reason to take pride. Celebratory cars were honking in the streets and every family had tear-filled eyes locked to their televisions as the men reached the surface alive.

After earthquakes and trapped miners, it’s clear to me that Chile is a country that can withstand almost anything.

Dieciocho

September 18 is Chile’s Independence Day – simply called “Dieciocho.” To celebrate, Theri and Pato invited several families from Iglesia in Casa to their summer home near San Antonio to celebrate.

While the meal was being prepared, some of us when to San Antonio to check out the boardwalk and do a boat tour of the marina to see sea-lions and pelicans. Back at the house we had a huge barbeque then went for a walk through the countryside. Chile is a gorgeous country.

But Fiestas Patrias – Founders Celebration – lasts almost all week. So on another day, the in Santiago had a party with empanadas and other traditional foods. Some of our national employees taughts us the Cueca, Chile’s national dance. It’s supposed to mimic a chicken and rooster flirting.

At the end of the week, I went with some friends to a fair in Santiago. We ate anticuchos – kebabs – and watched a Chilean horse show. Very cool.

The U.S. considers itself pretty patriotic, but there’s a lot of national pride here in Chile as well. I’m glad I get to be a part of it

River Islands

On one of our last days in Argentina, we took a long boat ride down the river to some islands where Criollo families lived.

The first island we went to had two houses on it and some chickens. It was a very simple lifestyle, and the family’s there didn’t have much by our standards. The parents were away at the time, but there was a handful of kids there – the older ones watching the younger. The older ones chatted politely with our missionary guides, but it was clear they weren’t used to visitors. As we left, the volunteers gave them gifts of food and clothes.

The next island we went to had one house and a bunch of sheep. This time, the parents were home and greeted us. Again, it was pretty clear they weren’t used to guests, but they were friendly, and the kids loved the gifts the volunteers brought. When the baby started crying, her mother explained that she was scared because it was the first time she’d ever seen so many people in one place.

Theirs was the most isolated lifestyle I’ve ever encountered. Our guides explained that it is difficult to connect with the Criollo sometimes. Because they are so used to being overlooked and pushed aside, they are suspicious of attempts at friendship. Our visit to their islands was the first step in our guides’ long journey toward establishing a relationship with them.

Miche Patricia

One day in Argentina, we drove out to a rural boarding school. I rode in the bed of a truck, as we careened down muddy dirt roads. On two seperate occasions the truck skidded and slid, almost throwing us out and onto the road. It was a fun trip.

At the school, the volunteers played futbol - soccer - while the kitchen staff from the hunting lodge prepared a meal. After eating, one of the volunteers shared the gospel with the students through an interpreter.

We didn't find out until later, but one of the kitchen staffers - a woman named Miche Patricia - listened in on that message and became a Christian! Though she had been timid with the volunteers beforehand, after being saved Miche treated everyone like family. When it came time to leave, she gave everyone a warm farewell.

Youth in Esquina

The volunteers that came to Argentina from Florida were families and they brought their kids.

The first night in Esquina, the kids were invited to the local church for a youth meeting. The youth didn’t know the American kids were coming, and the American kids didn’t know the youth had planned a costume dance party. It was a pleasant surprise for everyone!

Despite the language barrier, the Argentinians included the Americans in their celebration and everyone had a great time. It's so cool that cultural difference don't divide the family of God.

The Argentineans even sang a goodbye song to the Americans as they left.

Buenos Aires

In July, I went to Argentina to cover a story about some volunteers working with the Criollo people of northern Argentina.

First we checked out Buenos Aires. We ate great asado – babeque – went to a gourmet chocolate shop and even got to see a couple tango in the street!

The next day, we met up with the rest of our group and took a car north to a hunting lodge in Esquina, Argentina’s river country.

Because the Criollo people are neither purely indigenous Indians nor purely European immigrants, they are a marginalized people in Argentina. But they’re great hunters, so the volunteers – hunters from Florida – were able to connect with them well.

It was a great trip overall, but seeing a couple tango in the streets of Buenos Aires that first night already made the trip for me.

Skripture Sketches

I’ve heard that in times of intense isolation and emotional turmoil, artists are able to produce incredible works of creativity.

I think that’s true.

While blog-surfing, I ran into a site where a friend of mine was posting a daily photo/quote mash-up. And I found another where a person was recording her thoughts as she read through the Bible.

These two projects gave me an idea for a project of my own: Daily drawing through the Bible.

I chose to pursue writing as my career, but art has always been a passion. And drawing is still my most authentic form of self-expression. So in effort to keep myself consistently in the Word, I started drawing each chapter of the Bible, one day at a time.

The cool thing is that trying to illustrate what I’m reading makes me read it more carefully than I otherwise would, and I get the chance to mediate on what I’ve read while I draw.

I started posting these drawings to a tumblr blog so I could share them, and I’ve generated a bit of a following. I love to see how the Word connects the family of God – even from all over the world.

Check it out here: Skripture-Sketches.

Recently I’ve finished the book of Leviticus and have just started Numbers. I absolutely love that God led me to combine my two greatest passions – art and His Word.

Starbucks with Jake

One of my coworkers had to move his whole family down here to Chile. He’s got a 15-year-old son named Jake.

I was a military kid growing up, so I know how rough it is to get uprooted and moved. And there really aren’t youth groups here for Jake to go to like I had when I was his age. So I offered to do a Bible study each week with Jake.

On Wednesdays we usually go to Starbucks, get Java Chip frappuccinos, and work through a youth Bible study book Jake has. Jake’s an awesome guy. He’s funny, and he’s got a hunger for God. Sometimes I’m amazed at his spiritual insight.

Plus it’s fun for both of us just to get into the city and hang out. Meeting with Jake each week has been one of my favorite things about living in Santiago.

Jovenes group

Every Sunday morning I go to the apartment where my friends’ family – Theri, Pato, Roberto and Tutu – live. Theri graciously serves me breakfast, and then we all drive to the community center where our church, Iglesia en Casa, holds its services. Theri calls herself my "Sunday Mother." It's true, he family has really adopted me here.

Iglesia en Casa grew out of a Bible study started by some missionaries who have since retired. Though it is small and half-full of gringos, it is a close-knit group and I love it.

A few months ago Samuel and Ingrid, a couple attending the seminary here, came to our church for their practicum. Roberto, Cecilia and I started meeting with them each week for a Jovenes Bible study.

In Chile, “Jovenes” means “youth,” but it refers to anyone between 15 and 30. So we were all “youth."

I hosted our meeting in my apartment a couple times, but typically we met at Samuel and Ingrid’s house so they could watch their 3-year-old daughter Vasthi.

There was usually a small supper, then singing and a message/discussion. When we first started, the meetings exhausted me. It took all of my concentration to follow the conversation, and often they would pause so Cecilia or Samuel could interpret for me.

But as time went on, I got better at understanding, and was even able to contribute to the conversation. Later we were joined by Alonso, a seminary graduate, and Wilbur, an exchange student from El Salvador.

Unfortunately, Wilbur has returned home. Roberto and Cecilia have broken up. And now Samuel and Ingrid have graduated from Seminary and are returning home to Puerto Arenas – way, way south.

Theri hosted a small good-bye party for them yesterday. It was hard seeing them go. I’ve had to say way too many goodbyes in the past couple years.

Now our Jovenes group is down to Roberto and me – and Tutu if she starts coming, which I hope she will. But it’s been great getting to make some Chilean friends here!

The Sean Michel Band

The Sean Michel Band, from Arkansas, came to Chile on a musical missions trip.

Sean Michel gained notoriety by appearing on American idol in 2007. Though Sean had to be talked into going on the show, his audition video went viral online and has given him recognition worldwide.

At first, Sean and the band just used their music to raise money for mission trips. But along the way, they realized their music was useful for more than just financing, and it became the focus of their trips.

The band uses soulful blues-rock to reach groups that don’t come to church. Playing in bars and open-air concerts in poor neighborhoods they sing about the human condition and hope in Christ - Always inviting local church members to come and start conversations about faith with other attendees.

I didn’t meet the band until their lasts days here, but I went with them to their last show in Valparaiso. It was a blast getting to hang with guys my age from the States – and to hear some great music.

What I learned in 2010

It's almost 2011, and I haven't updated this blog since May. I know. It's awful.

But there's a reason for it. And I'm going to be a little vulnerable here and tell you why.

2010 was an incredibly difficult year for me. And I didn't write much about it, because I didn't want to think much about it.

You see, in January, after only a week on the field, I went to Haiti to cover the earthquake there. It was a stressful, disappointing and emotionally draining trip. But more than that, it dug up a lot of issues from my past that I thought were resolved a long time ago. Turns out they weren't.

Then, after dealing with both the Haiti earthquake and the Chile earthquake in my first 2 months on the field, I was met with nearly 6 months of down time. I came to Chile expecting to be immersed in a new culture. But because I work in an office with other Americans all day, my opportunities to practice Spanish and learn the culture were limited. It left me feeling perpetually disconnected from my new surroundings. I was isolated.

On top of that, I'm the only person my age working here, and I live alone. So I didn't have anyone to explore the city with. I didn't have anyone to share the single ex-pat experience with. I didn't have anyone to vent to when things got difficult. I was lonely.

I don't say all this to complain. It's just an honest account of where I found myself and what I was feeling. And this lonely, isolated context is where I had to struggle with the things Haiti dug up in my heart.

In Haiti, I found myself surrounded by those who had just had their entire world ripped apart. But many of them still trusted in God – a God who had let all that happen to them! I felt lost as I tried to take it in. It seemed so wrong to me.

That’s when all of the pain of my past – the abuse, depression and addiction I’ve gone through - came rushing back to me.

I left Haiti feeling like God really was a liar who abandons those who love Him. I was angry at God, and it tore me apart.

Through the months that followed, I refused to talk to God. If I did, they were hostile, tear-filled prayers. I just laid low and tried to distract myself from how much I was hurting.

Then one night, I received the Skype-call that changed everything. My friends Jake and Becky were engaged!

I know Jake and Becky from the Focus on the Family Institute where we lived in intense community with other young Christians through the spring of 2009. It was the most life-giving experience I’ve ever had. The intimate, connected community that began there is still alive, and the friends I made there are the closest I have.

Jake and Becky’s engagement was about the most beautiful thing I could imagine – and that beauty shocked me. I thought the world was dark and God had turned his back on me. And yet, here He was, loving and blessing two of the people I love most in the world. It reminded me of all God had done in our lives at Focus – of all the beauty and truth and love He had filled our hearts with.

In that moment, the lie I was believing was revealed. God hadn't really abandoned me. And He was reminding me now how much He really loves my friends and me.

Finally, I let God back in and started talking to Him about everything I was feeling. They were long, difficult conversations. But through them, He taught me some valuable things:

• My pain belongs to God. My whole life, good or bad, is His. And I don’t get to demand an explanation for what He does with me.

• God will heal my wounds through my relationship with Him. But I have to be willing to take on everything that relationship entails. A quick fix wouldn’t draw me close to Him like waiting and talking and trusting do. Healing is a process, and the goal is intimacy with God.

• My relationship with God is my standard for good and bad in life. I tend to define good and bad by my own feelings. But bad is whatever draws my heart away from God – no matter how good it seems. And good is whatever draws my heart closer to Him – even if it hurts. So the pain of life is really a good thing if it forces me to cling to God and grow closer to Him as He heals me.

From there, 2010 slowly improved, though some more hard prayers came later. My Spanish got better. I learned to fill time alone with artwork. And I got to go Argentina and Brazil! (All things I’ll write more about later)

But returning to the States for Jake and Becky’s wedding in October was a milestone. Their wedding was a taste of Heaven – and I was blessed to be a part of it. And when I returned to Chile, it was in a different state of mind.

Am I still isolated? A little. Am I still lonely? Sometimes.

But I have God. And with His help, I have learned to adjust to my situation and start making the most of it.

And from here on out, I’ll do a better job of chronicling it.